Months ago, my Pastor, said something during one of his messages that instantly struck me. In fact, on the way home from church I created a pin with the phrase. But, at the time it was one of those phrases that seemed wise and insightful, but it didn't necessarily apply to my life. Now, 8 months later, it's a phrase that's defining my life. But we'll come back to that. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.- Romans 8:28 NLT I don't feel much purpose right now. I'm a wife. A mother. Sometimes I'm a blogger. There is purpose in that. Endless purpose. But I know that God has also given me gifts and talents that are to be used outside my home and this computer screen. I know my calling. But right now, my calling feels like a deflated balloon. To refrain from being too cliche, purpose is the wind to the callings' sail and this ship is heading nowhere fast. But the truth remains. However far away I feel from my purpose, I know that the things God is leading me to and through, and away from are not meant to hurt me. Does this mean I won't feel pain? No, absolutely not. But they will not lead me to ruin. There's a difference. Pain and ruin are two very different things. And some days I forget that. The disciples thought God led Jesus to ruin by leading him to death on the cross. But, God proved otherwise. Jesus' pain didn't lead to ruin, it led to life. Now back to that phrase... The selfish side of me is tired of giving. I'm tired of giving the things God is asking for. I'm tired of walking face first into the doors he's closed. But then I'm reminded of the fact that this is what I prayed for. I prayed to become more like Christ. I've prayed to become the reflection of Jesus. That means giving. That means trusting even when things don't make sense. That means knowing that God works things together for good because he loves me. The doors he's closing, the things he's taking, the empty places he's leaving behind-
They really ARE meant to make me more like him. They really ARE meant to lead me farther down the path towards good. They really ARE meant to fill me with his purposes. They really ARE meant to lead me toward life. If you are like me, you confuse pain with ruin but you might also confuse emptiness with nothingness. Doors closing, paths changing, forking, losing what's important to you- that's not nothingness. That's emptiness. That's not ruin. That's God making room for more of himself. We have to be empty before we can be filled with His purpose. Our purposes may seem good, and right, and righteous, and valiant. And that's why losing them can be so hard. But this is when I trust that losing what I hold onto means that God is bringing about his best. Even if that means pain. Even if it means having empty hands. So, right now, I'm learning to be thankful for pain. For emptiness. Because God is not leading me to nothingness and ruin. He's leading me to purpose and life. Hopefully, in 60 years I'll be sitting on my (wrap around) front porch rocking on my rocker, reflecting on my walk with the Lord and I'll think of this time in my life as when God pulled the plug on the drain of my purposes. And I'm confident in the fact that it will be a pleasant thought. Yes, I might remember the pain, but I'll be quickly blinded by the memories of good as well. I'm remember the emptiness, but immediately recall being filled with his purpose. I'm excited for that day.
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HEY, I'M JESSICA!
Christian. Wife. Mommy. Daughter. Pastor. Friend. Saved.Redeemed. Beloved.
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