Blogging is hard.
I've been really dealing with this blog. As I've said before, I feel like this is something that God led me to. I feel like on a regular basis He prompts me with things to share. There are times when I sit down and write an entire blog in about 2 mins flat and have no idea where it all came from when I'm done. And it even kinda makes sense.
I'd be interested to see the numbers on exactly how many (active) blogs there are through out the world. I'm sure the number would be astronomical. Which is awesome. But it's also hard. It's like trying to be the one light blue jelly bean in a bowl of cobalt. I struggle with trusting that there is a reason I do this. I struggle with knowing that God has a purpose for this blog. I struggle with knowing that I'm probably in the C- category of faith bloggers.
I don't ever feel particularly wise on most subjects. I don't really know deep theological truths. I don't have letters behind my name that match diplomas hanging on an office wall somewhere. In fact, my office is usually the left cushion of my couch whenever I can steal a few minutes to type something up. I don't really know how to network, and what I do know, I find uncomfortable and out of my comfort zone. I dislike "selling myself". I worry that I annoy my Facebook friends with constant blog posts. They didn't agree to be my "friend" to have their walls spammed by Definitely.Maybe. I'm a terrible speller and a grammatical failure (And I know that at least 2 of my previous English teachers have at one point read this blog- Eek!). I honestly have no recollection on how to use a semi colon.
But. Every time I post something I pray that at least 1 person "gets it". And I remind myself that what I do isn't for 20,000 hits or likes on the blog Facebook page. It isn't about comment after comment on a post. It's about being obedient and just putting it out there. Because, I do believe that when God impresses something on me, it is for someone. Even just one someone.
But I want you to know that the random messages, or comments, or words of encouragement are like putting fresh batteries in a flashlight. They seem to come just at the right time. I find my energy, enthusiasm, whatever you want to call it receding, and suddenly someone shares their heart with me. Thank you for that. It makes being obedient a little easier.
Someday I hope that maybe I will have 20,000 hits and facebook likes. I do hope that someday I'll have actual "office hours" even if it's just in a home office. Maybe someday I can be a featured blogger on some big website, or a speaker at a blogging conference. And dare I hope that someday I'll get a nice camera so my pictures aren't sub par. But if not, that's ok. Because it's not about that. I continue to pray that this meager blog touches someone. I pray that God continues to grow me through it. And mostly, I continue to pray that this page, this computer, these fingers typing on these keys will always always be just a means to an end. The end being you knowing how much God loves you and how much he wants to know you.