Sometimes it aches for things I'm too scared to ask for. Sometimes I have to sit down and intentionally wade out of my puddle of selfishness and ask for clear sight. Clear sight to see His will. Or just see at all.
I've realized that selfish, self fullfilling thoughts, plans, ideas are short sighted. We may tell ourselves that this is a positive thing for down the road, but really, at least for me, I think a lot about today, and tomorrow, and maybe next month.
When I'm dry from that puddle I find myself able to say- Thy will be done. Whatever that may be. Even if it's not today, or tomorrow, or next month. And then maybe there is grief. Because there is still traces of mud from that puddle. It has left it's mark on me. My will is rooted. I will go on with my day. And I will allow God to weed the rooted will. And I will say Thy Will Be Done until my heart desires it. And I will wash off that mud. And I will choose to trust that God knows my heart.
Until tomorrow. I will wake up and wade out of that puddle...
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done.
Lord, let it be.
And let it start with me.