I know I'm jumping ahead a lot of years and she's got plenty of independence to discover, but I've got no idea how I'm going to pack her up and move her to college. She's in preschool for 4 hours 2 days a week, and I'm not going to lie- there was a hole. Even heading into day #2, I'm still getting a little choked up just typing this. I miss my big girl when she's not here.
Yesterday was an off day. She was here with me and heading into the day I was thankful for a day for us to just hang out around the house. And about 2 hours into it, I realized that my 3 yr old was still my 3yr old, just a 3 yr old that goes to preschool. And she pushed every single button I've got. She tried to rechalk every boundary we've ever set. She stubbornly stood her little ground until I'm sure she didn't even remember what she was being stubborn about. And finally, I lost it. I made a mistake. Out of anger, I was too harsh with her and immediately felt that stab of mommy guilt. Of sinners guilt. It's humbling when you have to apologize to a 3 yr old. And it made my hurting heart melt all the more when through tears she said... "It's ok, mommy" and I knew she meant it.
I'm so thankful God doesn't deal with me the way that I deal with my kids. I'm sure he would have squashed me like a fly on a windshield by now. And I'm thankful for grace, because without it, I would absolutely have to live with that mommy guilt and pain forever. And I'm thankful for a 3 yr old that is willing to set her little injured heart aside and put blind trust in me again, even though I feel so unworthy of it.
Thank you, Lord of the blessing you've given me in my children. I pray that I would seek you constantly and immediately and that your Holy Spirit would interupt my sinful human dealings and frustrations with them. Give me your eyes to see them when I can't see past the *BIG* personalities you've given them. Make me more like you so I can help them be more like you.