I've struggled over the last few weeks knowing that I absolutely have to get back to it. I WANT to be healthy. I NEED to be healthy. But, let's be honest. Eating whatever you want and not exercising is easy. It's the easy way out of things. Also, I've used food to medicate myself my entire life. I've noticed over the last 6 weeks that when I'm upset or stressed out, I just want to eat. Even if I'm not hungry. And as soon as I do, I feel better. I'm pretty familiar with dependencies of all sorts and the scientific studies and facts behind them, but it's hard to relate that to yourself. Especially with food. But, as hard as it is, I know that I've used food as a "feel good" drug my entire life. I've used it to mask and medicate pain and emotions.
This last year, I was able to fight through those things. Not address those issues, just control them, long enough to create some healthy habits and lose some weight. But when the going got rough, that addiction, that craving just became too strong. It wasn't something I could control anymore. And I gave back into the comfort of food.
So... I'm resolving again that in 2013 I will lose weight. I'm not going to put big numbers on it. I'm not going to set outrageous goals. I do have goals set, and I will share them in a minute. I want specific things to work towards. BUT. My big goal this year is to take away the power I've given to food. To address the pain, and the feelings, and the stress. Deal with the root of the sin. Because really, that's exactly what this is. It's sin. So I will address that sin and give it over to the One who's promised to fight for me. The One's who's promised to make all things possible through Him. My entire life I've compartmentalized this problem. This weight issue. And I will never be successful at it if I don't see it honestly and deal with it the only way it can be dealt with.... With God's help and direction. A Pastor friend of ours said something in a sermon a few years ago, and as soon as he said it, I wrote it down. It's been a quote that has impacted me greatly the last few years....
"Sin is not a pet to be tamed, it's a dragon to be slain."- David Morris
This year I'm not going to tame this sin of food addiction. Of pain medicating. Of stress handling. I'm going to stand on the promises that God has given me and I'm going to overcome it.
So... now onto those goals....
- I'm going to start running again. Aaron and I decided that with the financial gain we'll have this year with his new job, we're going to just bite the bullet and get a gym membership. As much as we'd like to use that money to pay off our debt, we know that this is the best thing for us right now and we're willing to make adjustments for that. So, with that being said, I'm starting the Couch to 5k program over again.
- I'm going to run 2 5k's this year. Aaron's said he wants to train with me. So, we're going to register for the Indy 500 Festival 5k on May 4th. After that, I'm planning on doing one of the races I did this year- The Relay for Life 5k. It supports a great cause and it will be a great opportunity to see how my time has improved not only from this year, but from the spring to the fall of 2013.
- I'm only going to drink 8 oz of pop a day. I love pop. I drink WAY too much of it. I'm going to replace 90% of what I drink with water.
Right now these are the top goals. I'm going to be calorie counting to actually lose the weight. I'm hoping to be able to hit the ground running and maintain a 1.5 to 2lb weight loss each week. I know that's a tad bit on the high side, but I know I'm capable of it and it's pretty close to what I was able to average this last year when I was committed to it. I intend on using Wednesdays as my blog update day and Friday as my weigh in day.
Stick with me through this. If something I've said today has struck a cord with you, leave me a comment or send me a message. I don't want to do this alone and I don't want you to do it alone either. Support from each other is one of the best aids of the process. I would love to support you through this but I want you to be real and honest. Masking the issue or diminishing it isn't slaying the dragon, it's taming the pet.