My run last night was pretty good. I started off really strong. I got new running shoes which made a huge difference. I was going pretty strong with the 1:30 run then 1:30 walk. I was able to do that until about the 22 min mark. Then I went to 1 min/1 min. I did one cycle like that and went back to the 1:30/1:30. I'm pretty pleased because that's almost exactly where I left off 3 weeks ago. Tomorrow I'll do all 1:30/1:30, and then hopefully on Sat and I can 1:30/1. Then next week I can start the 2min/1min.
This is going to get deep for a min so hang with me... I've realized over the last few years that I'm a people pleaser. It's not that I haven't always known that, but until recently, I didn't realize the depth of it. I'm so concerned about letting people down that I normally quit half way or just don't do it (whatever IT is) to begin with. Prime example.... I've been so nervous about not being able to finish the 5k. And I know, in reality, even if I have to walk it all, I'll finish. BUT, I'm training to run it, not walk it. And I just feel like people would be so dissapointed if I didn't run it. And I started stressing about that, so I started making excuses and just stopped training all together. Then I got stressed out because I was behind and now it's crunch time and I really may not
Last night as I was running I was thinking about all the people who would be proud to know I was at it again, but I had to stop myself and ask who I was doing this for. And the honest answer is, I don't really know. Yeah, I'll be happy when I'm skinny and healthy and can do things I haven't been able to do in a while and God calls us to be healthy and live physically in a Christlike way, but is that my true motivation or am I doing this because I want people to be proud of me and approve of me?