Aaron and I have been married 8 years today. When I thought about what I wanted to write about in this blog post, I thought about the road we've walked the last 8 years. Figuring out marriage, figuring out ourselves, learning more about God. Kids, ministry, jobs. Hurt, betrayal, loss. I wanted to type something that was touching and God ordained and useful. But no words would come. It was like I had writers block. I've shared our testimony and told our story on the blog before. Many readers have even walked that road with us or you've heard us speak about it. But, even though God is continually healing us and has redeemed our marriage in a mighty way, I don't feel like those mountain tops are an accurate depiction of exactly what life is like for us. Our life is... normal. It's boring. It's funny. It's stressful. It's familiar. It's stretching. It's peaceful. The sun rises and the sun sets and ordinary days go by where I hardly notice the years passing. But each day is an ordinary day filled with a divine blessing. A day filled with a gift that's just for me. Days when we get to wash the dishes together or we curl up on the couch to watch Netflix. Days where we just can't work out that one issue and we feel frustrated beyond belief. Days where I want to nail his socks to the floor instead of pick them up. Days when I think "I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with this man". Days when I think "I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life with this man". We're cheesy. We're a little loud. We laugh a lot. We both like the last word. He bites his nails. I interrupt. We both require lots of grace every day. But we are good and strong. We are mundane and ordinary. We are divinely blessed. I am divinely blessed. Aaron,
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"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
Recently, I was flipping through a magazine and I saw a picture of a perfectly styled kitchen and I thought to myself "I love that, but I could never have that". There were these beautiful glass canisters in the middle of the perfectly distressed wood island. I pictured in my mind all the little hands that would be clawing at those canisters every single day. I pictured them crashing to the floor and me getting upset and saying, "This is why we can't have nice things!" And in an instant, I recognized a tiny seed of bitterness that had planted itself somewhere in my heart. Graciously, the Lord spoke to me in that moment and this is what he said...
"Jessica, it's not your season." Man. How many times have I tried to live in the wrong season? How many times have I wished that Emerson could be just a little more independent? How many times I have whined inwardly when Macie asked me to help her turn the water on in the bathroom because she can't reach it? How many nights have I cried out to God, "Please! Just let Levi sleep! I need sleep too!"? Too many times. But the truth is that right now, that's not my life. Soon enough Emerson will be driving herself to school and I'll help my baby girl pack up her stuff and move off to college. Soon enough Macie won't need me to do much of anything for her and she'll let me know that. Soon enough Levi will be coming in at his curfew and not give a second thought to needing me in the middle of the night. I'll have a beautifully decorated house with all the glass pretties I can find. And that's how it should be. In that season. If I've learned anything in my short 32 years of life, it's that when we chase the future, or a different place, or a different person, we miss out what God has for us today. We miss the beauty of THIS season. I would miss that quick backward glance Emmy gives me before she walks into school, making sure I haven't pulled away yet and wanting an extra wave. I would miss Macie's sweet voice singing hand washing songs at the sink and making faces in the mirror. I would miss Levi's sweet smiles and more opportunity to pray over him in the dark night. I would miss ministering to my children in the place that God has called me to right now. I would miss the fulfillment of God's presence in this day. I would miss God shaping me and molding me in the way that only this time in my life can. Imagine if Michelangelo had decided that he was bored with one section of the Sistine Chapel ceiling, left it undone, and moved onto the next part. It certainly would not be the masterpiece we consider it to be today. I'm sure it was tedious. I'm sure it was exhausting. He made mistakes. He changed his original plan. I'm sure he even thought about quitting, but he didn't. He persisted. If your season is that of change, be brave. Trust God and step into it. If your season is waiting, take a breath and ask God to fill your waiting space with his presence. If your season is spit up, diapers, toys, and no sleep, ask God to open your heart and fill it will each day. Ask him to write these times in your memory, because you won't get a second chance at them. If your season is emptiness, ask God to reveal a new purpose. Search out a way to fill someone else's life. If your season is pain, embrace it. Feel it. Let God shape you through it so that you enter your next season ready. Embrace this season. Live in it. Make it all that you can. Because one day you'll look back and realize that all those times of persistence created a beautiful masterpiece. There might be side steps, and uncertainty, mess ups, plan B's, and second chances, but all of those things and more weave together in God's plan- His seasons- for your life. |
HEY, I'M JESSICA!
Christian. Wife. Mommy. Daughter. Pastor. Friend. Saved.Redeemed. Beloved.
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