Wow! I almost feel like a different person since the last time I blogged. So much has been going on that blogging has taken a major backseat. About 5 weeks ago, we moved from our home in Indianapolis to a new home in Angola, IN. And the week before we moved, we were all shocked to find out I am expecting our third child. So, I've spent the last 5 weeks trying to unpack, make our house look and feel like home, all between being sick and being more sick. Although, thankfully, I'm not suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum like I did with my first two.  Well, at least not to the same extent. I'm 10 weeks today, so I'm hoping to turn a corner here in the next few weeks. 

The Lord really laid things out for us with this move. His path was clear. And somehow I assumed that because of that, it would instantly be like putting on an old comfortable sweatshirt. But it's change. It's transition. It hasn't been as easy or as comfortable as I imagined. Our new house doesn't always feel like home. Being sick from pregnancy has really thrown a wrench in all my getting out and meeting new friends plan. It's been lonely. Aaron's work at the post office here has been different, our finances have stretched even more. I've questioned God. But in all of it, there is a peace. A peace in knowing that God knows what he's doing. Even when I don't. 

Thankfully, we found a church that has opened their arms to us. We love them all already. We are so thankful for that. It has made our transition easier. But there is always a little fear in me. Fear at knowing that what they see is all they know. They have never heard our testimony. They don't know our story. They don't know the road we've walked. But, I can't deny God's hand in our involvement with them. And knowing what I already know, I'm hard pressed to believe that Aaron and I will be defined by our past. And this is where I, again, have to choose to believe that God's redemption is stronger and more powerful than any thing we feel defines us. 

I'm hoping to get back to blogging as much as I can. It may be spotty until things level out a little. But, I miss you guys! I miss sharing my heart with you and I miss sharing what God is teaching me. How God's stretching me. Blogging has become part of me and I love connecting with you all. So, I won't be putting it off for much longer hopefully! 

Happy Tuesday! 

The current Bible study I'm doing,Brave by Angela Thomas, has a chapter about being undisciplined. I think it's a chapter that most anyone can relate to. I don't believe there is a single person whose disciplined in every area of their life. It was a chapter that really struck a chord with me, and when I completed that chapter, I sat down and made a list of 7 things that I can do during the day that will help with keeping my home and sanity in tact. I've been doing them for a few weeks now and I wanted to share them with you today. 

1. Jesus

Our first step, thought, action, etc should always be Jesus. Ok, I'll admit that when I open my eyes in the morning my first thought isn't about Jesus. It's usually- did I wake up before the girls. But, once I collect myself a little, I always try and pray for a few minutes. I find my courage and commit my day to God. I pray for His will to be done during the day and if that means rearranging my schedule, then so be it. When I skip this step, I usually do not have a good productive day. 

2. Start Early

I'm not a morning person. I've finally embraced this. I'm not the type of mom who's up before the kids, dressed, fed, and ready to go when their feet hit the floor. And that's ok. There are lots of women out there that can do that and it works well for them. It doesn't for me. But, once I'm up and going with the girls, I kill my day if I sit down right after breakfast is over. Because then I stay sitting and nothing gets done. I start on my to do list as soon as breakfast is over or as soon as we get home from dropping off at school. It gets the momentum going and I accomplish more. 

3. The 10 o'clock Rule

I saw this idea on another blog, and for the life of me, I have no idea which blog it was. (if you know, tell me and I'll credit this idea). If you menu plan like me, this isn't very hard to do. It's just simply knowing exactly what's for dinner by 10 am. When you do this, there's no surprises at 5pm when the meat is still frozen or you're missing a key ingredient. 

Also, if you're a working mom, or doing weight watchers, or counting calories, or really just want to take the stress out, I would say do this at 10pm the night before. Plan exactly what your meals will be for the next day and have things prepped and ready to go. If you pack your lunch for work or the kids lunch for school, have them partially packed and ready to go for the AM. 

4. Write Stuff Down

Yes, it's true. I feel so discombobulated  when I know I was supposed to be doing or remember something but I have no idea what it was because I didn't write it down somewhere. I have a smartphone, but I'm an old school type of person. I have a good ole paper student planner that I use daily. But, if that's not your style, use your calendar on your phone, make notes, use smoke signals. Do something. Just write stuff down. 

5. Have a Flexible Schedule

We're semi scheduled during the school year just because of Emmy's school schedule. She goes to school 3 days a week, so we plan around that. But, normally we know that Wednesday is also Library day and Friday is grocery day. I schedule specific things on specific days so that life just runs more smoothly. I plan on doing this during our summer break too. Certain days will be different things- water day, library day, beach day, etc. A routine like this helps my girls too. They know exactly what's going to happen and when. Obviously, don't pin yourself down so much that you create stress with rigidity. If you have to switch things up, no big deal. This is life. It's fluid and not perfect. 

6. Schedule Downtime in Your Day

From 1pm-2pm there's a good chance I'm sitting in our big brown chair in the living room drinking a cup of coffee. And doing nothing except Facebook, Pinterest, or reading a book. And ya know what? That's ok. That hour and cup of coffee help me reset for the afternoon. If I take that hour to refresh then I'm good to go for the rest of the day. If your day is scheduled, work in some downtime. A few days a week I use this time as "quiet time" for my girls. I have specific toys, books, puzzles they only see during quiet time. Emmy uses this time to work on writing her letters or "homework" from school and Macie normally colors or looks at books. If I haven't worked it in earlier in the day, I use this time for my Bible study time. 

7. Clean your "stress space" before bed. 

I HATE going to bed with a sink of dishes. My morning just runs so much more smooth when I come into a clean kitchen. When I'm trying to pull myself together for the day, it starts me off on the wrong foot when I walk into dirty clutter. So, I've been trying to make a point to get the dishes washed, the counters clear and clean, laundry off the floor (my laundry is in my kitchen), and my floors swept before I head to bed. Makes a big difference in the way my next day starts. 

Well, there ya have it. 7 things I do to help my most undisciplined life run more smoothly. Although, I don't want to leave this unsaid- 

There are areas of our life that may perhaps always be undisciplined. And discipline looks different for every person on the planet. But don't let the important things go. God gives us his strength and ability to conquer our undisciplined areas if we commit them to him. And it takes practice. We can't wake up in the morning, tell God we went to be disciplined and suddenly we are. It takes work and intention. And it's hard. But don't bypass it because it's hard. Take God's help and get victory over those areas. And I'm right there with ya. 

Happy Tuesday! 

Wow, it's been almost a month since I posted last. Time goes by so quickly. I've worked out a bit of a schedule and got some "blog office hours" ironed out. So, hopefully, soon I'll be able to get back to a normal posting routine. Anyways, I have a few minutes now and I wanted to put down a few thoughts I've had. Realizations, I guess. 

The last few months have been a roller coaster, to say the least. Change, change, and more change coming. We're still in the process of moving somewhere. Our lease will be up at our current home in a month, and we're moving somewhere. Just not quite sure where that might be yet. We've got plan A and plan B, we're just waiting and trusting as God opens doors in His time. 

I've admitted openly on this blog that I've got serious issues with the virtue of patience. It's probably one of the biggest spiritual issue I have. It's a battle I fight constantly. When something doesn't happen RIGHT NOW I start faltering in the area of trust. When I falter in trust, my hope starts slipping. Then doubt creeps in. But as I dig more and more into scripture and as I come to know God's character more and more I've realized something- God is still on his throne. My mantra has become... Yes, but we've lived. 

Over the last year, we've been through periods of weeks with, literally, pennies to our name. Sometimes less. Yet, we've made it through each and every time. Aaron's health has been compromised over and over through injuries and accidents, but the Lord has spared him from very serious injury each time. We've been surprised by things that have changed the course of our life, yet it's turned out to be a blessing. 

Why? Because God is still on his throne. I've learned not to be so short sighted. I know there is a bigger picture. I can't see it yet. I don't want to see it honestly. 10 years ago, had I know what lay ahead for us I probably would have opted out. But, I've learned that God is sovereign. 

That's a big word. Sometimes it can be kind of scary, especially if you haven't grown up in the church or don't know the "lingo". But, I've learned that it simply means that God is in control. Always. And because of that, He's never once led my family to ruin. He's never led me to ruin. Yes, there have been times of deep disappointment, times of loss or grief, and even a little humiliation. But because I'm realizing that nothing that happens to us takes away God's control and authority over my life, I'm living in less and less fear. Fear of the future, of where we'll live, where Aaron will work, how our bills will get paid. 

Because God loves me. Because He is good. Because He's in control. 

I've learned that I am a doubter. When I'm in the thick of things, my natural tendency is to doubt God instead of press into him and trust him even more. But, as life happens, I'm learning this lesson. So, I challenge you with this today-

It's never too late to start learning something new about God. If you struggle with doubting Him, doubting his promises, living in fear, decide today to choose to believe. For me, sometimes it is a minute by minute thing. Some days are easier than others. Open your Bible and find a verse that helps you believe God and encourages you. Press into him and remember- God is still on the throne. Nothing you or anyone or anything else can change his control over your life. 

Happy Monday! 

First of all, I want to take a minute to thank you all so much for your love and support. My last post was my most viewed post of all time. Either that means y'all like other people's drama or we just have lots of folks who love and care about us. I know it's the latter. We've received so many messages of encouragement, and we truly appreciate them. 

Ok, now on to the important stuff! It's going to be 65 degrees in Indy today. 65 DEGREES! I was losing hope that it was possible. Although, we are supposed to get snow tomorrow, but hey, let's just live in the current 65 degree moment. 

I'm so thinking spring. I'm ready. I know most folks are ready. This winter was brutal. I'm not doing any spring decorating because we're going to start packing and that's a bit counterproductive. I never posted a picture of my Valentine's Mantle because, well, it was a tad sub par and incomplete. Cute, but perhaps not blog post worthy. I kind of threw things together and included a few DIY projects that didn't quite turn out how I'd hoped and I wanted to add more and never got around to it. But, alas, I don't want to cheat you out the experience of viewing the mantle, so... here it is. And yes, I took this picture this morning because it's all still up.

Alright, so now that that's over with, let's get on with things. SPRING! It's right around the corner and I'm so ready. I love watching trees bloom and flower blossom. The grass turning green. It's all spectacular and such a reminder of the newness that comes with the changing of seasons. A perfect picture of God's grace. Since I wont' be doing much spring decorating of my own, I figured that I'd share a few of the my favorite spring decorations from other blogs. 

I'm LOVING this wreath from 320 Sycamore! Very fun! I love lemons and this is perfect for spring and a classy addition to your front door. And it seems easy enough to make. 

How cute are the DIY mason jar candle holders from FellowFellow?! If I was doing a spring mantle, I'd include something like this! 

This vintage inspired spring mantle from Home Stories A to Z is breathtaking. I wish I had the space to create a mantle like this! The cool colors are calming and it represents Spring so well. 

This centerpiece from Hymns & Verses is brilliant. And stunning. It would be the perfect centerpiece for any spring event or just your coffee table. I think it would be pretty with Lilies of the Valley for Easter as well. 

Are you in the mood for spring decorating?! I know I am. If you're enjoying the warm weather today and preparing for snow tomorrow just remember, this too shall pass! Spring is coming! 

Happy Tuesday!

This is one of those posts I'm not exactly positive how to start. I've been praying about it and lots of things have come to mind, it's just a matter of ordering my thoughts. Please hang with me, it might be a bit long.

On Saturday, Aaron and I found out that the local leaders of our denomination had decided not to renew Aaron's license as a pastor in the church. There's lots of technical stuff that I won't bore you with, but basically he was given the choice to start the 4 yr ordination licensing process over again for the 3rd time (you can read a little bit about that here, here, here, andhere.) or do nothing. After much prayer and discussion, we've decided that we'll be stepping away from ministry all together and not starting the licensing process over at this time. 

We've purposed to be intentional in praying for God's will in our life. We've been praying that God would open and close doors for us, whether that be in ministry, for moving, for our girls, for pretty much everything. Our desire is that God's will is accomplished in and through our lives. But, we've been praying this within the scope of our daily lives. We knew that we're coming up on big decisions about moving, and Emmy starting school, and we've been praying for God to lead us into a (non bivocational) full time ministry position. When we prayed for God to open and close doors in ministry, we never dreamed that it would be moving us out of ministry completely. 

I must admit that over the last few days I've swung on the pendulum of emotion. I've been angry, and sad, and felt betrayed. I've grieved for my husband, and I've grieved for our vocational ministry. But, I've also rejoiced in the fact that I trust in a God who has plans to prosper us and not to harm us. 

As we sat down to sort through all of our emotions and refocus our prayers, an over arching theme started to present itself to us- freedom. Not freedom in the sense of we're escaping from something bad, but that for the first time since we've been married, we're not tied to a full time ministry position or the requirements of ordination in the church. We don't have to be here or there for any specific purpose unless the Lord leads us. 

And right now, that "freedom" has lead us to the decision to relocate. We knew that we were moving anyways, but now our scope is just currently a little different. We're working on a very fast timeline, about 70ish days, but we're hoping to make a move in late May up to northern Indiana/northwest Ohio. It's something that we've talked about for a very long time, but until now, we've been tied to our obligations here through church. It hasn't been an easy decision though, as it would be moving away from what we've known. Living here in Indy is all my girls know. We have family here, we love the church we attend. The members have become extended family. And it's hard making a move to what seems to be nothing. No friends, no church, right now no job, no home. But we know that God is faithful. We've learned by now that our ways are not God's ways, so we're confident in the fact that if this change doesn't happen in "our" timeline, remaining here in Indy is ok too- it's our work in progress plan B. 

And we know that God is not done with us. As we were laying in bed a few nights ago, Aaron knew I was battling sadness and frustration. He grabbed my hand and reminded me that ministry isn't limited to a full time position. It isn't a title that someone has. It's an attitude of the heart. And we can do it anywhere, at any time. I know that. In my heart of hearts I know that. But, it doesn't change the little bit of a painful ache I have over knowing that right now, our life in full time (bi)vocational ministry is on hold indefinitely. But, I know the calling that God has placed on our lives. I know and experience daily the passion Aaron has for teenagers coming to know the Lord.

I trust God's character. Even right now when I feel broken and we're being emptied. Because I know that God is working all things together for his good. For his purposes. We would appreciate your prayers during this time of transition. We'd appreciate understanding in our moments of grief. We hope that you can rejoice with us as we start this new chapter of our lives. I'll be blogging as I can and want to be able to continue to share how God's revealing himself to us. I love you guys and pray for you daily. Thank you for all the love and support you've given over the  last 2 years! 

Months ago, my Pastor, said something during one of his messages that instantly struck me. In fact, on the way home from church I created a pin with the phrase. But, at the time it was one of those phrases that seemed wise and insightful, but it didn't necessarily apply to my life.

Now, 8 months later, it's a phrase that's defining my life. But we'll come back to that.

I don't feel much purpose right now. I'm a wife. A mother. Sometimes I'm a blogger. There is purpose in that. Endless purpose. But I know that God has also given me gifts and talents that are to be used outside my home and this computer screen. I know my calling. But right now, my calling feels like a deflated balloon. To refrain from being too cliche, purpose is the wind to the callings' sail and this ship is heading nowhere fast.

But the truth remains.

However far away I feel from my purpose, I know that the things God is leading me to and through, and away from are not meant to hurt me. Does this mean I won't feel pain? No, absolutely not. But they will not lead me to ruin. There's a difference. Pain and ruin are two very different things. And some days I forget that. The disciples thought God led Jesus to ruin by leading him to death on the cross. But, God proved otherwise. Jesus' pain didn't lead to ruin, it led to life. 

Now back to that phrase...

The selfish side of me is tired of giving. I'm tired of giving the things God is asking for. I'm tired of walking face first into the doors he's closed. But then I'm reminded of the fact that this is what I prayed for. I prayed to become more like Christ. I've prayed to become the reflection of Jesus. That means giving. That means trusting even when things don't make sense. That means knowing that God works things together for good because he loves me. The doors he's closing, the things he's taking, the empty places he's leaving behind-

They really ARE meant to make me more like him. 
They really ARE meant to lead me farther down the path towards good.
They really ARE meant to fill me with his purposes. 
They really ARE meant to lead me toward life. 

If you are like me, you confuse pain with ruin but you might also confuse emptiness with nothingness. Doors closing, paths changing, forking, losing what's important to you- that's not nothingness. That's emptiness. That's not ruin. That's God making room for more of himself. We have to be empty before we can be filled with His purpose. Our purposes may seem good, and right, and righteous, and valiant. And that's why losing them can be so hard. But this is when I trust that losing what I hold onto means that God is bringing about his best. Even if that means pain. Even if it means having empty hands. 

So, right now, I'm learning to be thankful for pain. For emptiness. Because God is not leading me to nothingness and ruin. He's leading me to purpose and life. Hopefully, in 60 years I'll be sitting on my (wrap around) front porch rocking on my rocker, reflecting on my walk with the Lord and I'll think of this time in my life as when God pulled the plug on the drain of my purposes. And I'm confident in the fact that it will be a pleasant thought. Yes, I might remember the pain, but I'll be quickly blinded by the memories of good as well. I'm remember the emptiness, but immediately recall being filled with his purpose.  

I'm excited for that day. 

I kind of remember who those people thought they were. Young. In love. Unstoppable. But we're not those people anymore.

And I'm so thankful we're not. 

We are these people. More gray. A few extra pounds. Wrinkles. Broken. Beaten. 

Forgiven. Healed. Renewed. Loved. 

Had you told that girl in that white dress exactly what she was in for, she would have stood up from that alter and walked away without blinking. And she would have never looked back. 

She wasn't signing up for the fights, and the skewed unrealistic expectations, the 25+ weeks of constant "morning sickness", twice. She wasn't signing up for being betrayed, or betraying. She wasn't signing up for moving cross country twice in 6 months under painful, stressful circumstances. She wasn't signing up for debt, for kids crawling into 90% of the bed at 3 am, or stone cold marriage silence.  

She didn't know about any of that. But she also didn't know that she was signing up for a lifetime with a man who would stand by her during those selfish rages, the nights (and days) of laying on the bathroom floor, or hospital bed, experiencing the "joys" of pregnancy. The man who would hold her hand and say, "It's ok. It's all going to be ok." and mean it. A man who would love her even when she pushed him to the edge of their marriage. A man who would be the physical embodiment of God's love for the church. 

I'm blessed. Beyond words. 

I love you, Aaron. Happy Valentine's Day. I'm glad we're us. 

P.S. You can read some of our story (at least my side) here, here, and here. 

No, I'm not having a baby. But we ARE moving! 

We have found a house that we LOVE, but, nothing is official yet. No papers signed as of now. Once things are set in stone (hopefully in the next week or two) I will have an awesome story about how God, once again, provided in His perfect timing. So that's all I'm going to say about it for now. We know for sure that whatever happens with the house, we won't be staying where we are currently. And the amature interior decorator inside me is screaming with joy. I can barely contain it. 

When I'm presented with a situation to redecorate, especially a blank canvas of a house, my desire is to go mad. I could take a whole week and shop until I can't see straight. Then paint, DIY, and style until I can't move. I could seriously have a decorate till I drop party. I know I have a few friends who'd willingly join me. 

BUT.

Our budget sits back and laughs at that idea with an arrogant "let me know how that goes" type laugh. So, this will be a slow, progressive, on an extreme budget type deal. But I'm excited. My goal is to use as much of what we already have and redo things. I have big plans for our living room end tables, our bedroom furniture, and the girls iron beds. And that's just the short list. 

Last week, one of the blogs I follow, View Along The Way, had a post that was perfectly timed about decorating. So, I've been gleaning from her wisdom and starting with a "lead" piece instead of with a paint color like I usually do. Our couches are relatively neutral so my plan was to find a fabric I could use as throw pillows, or maybe an accent piece like an ottoman, and then bounce the rest of the room off that. And so after a few minutes searching, I found a Waverly print that I LOVE!!! and it comes in a few tones. It's called Santa Maria. 

This is a picture of what our couch and loveseat look like. You get the idea of the color we're working with. Our furniture is new so we won't be replacing because it's still in great shape. 

This was the first sample I saw. It's obviously in a deeper jewel tone. It's called Santa Maria Gem. Next to it are the Sherwin-Williams paint chip suggestions. This is my safe zone. These colors are ones that I understand. I can easy put a room together based on these. I love the bold punch of red and blue, but it's fairly sedated.

This was the second one I came across. THE GAME CHANGER! It's Santa Maria Desert Flower. I am head over heels for this print. And it's way over the top for me. Like, this will take some serious brain power on my part to put a room together around this. Especially a living room! But, I just love it so much I think I might do it. I'm thinking the Curio Gray color for the walls, maybe a little red or gold chevron, and some black and white Ikat thrown in. And I've been really wanting some teal furniture in my house somewhere, so we'll see. Sounds like a hot mess right now, but it looks awesome in my head! (if that's any comfort to those reading like my husband and my mom)

Which do you like better? The more sedate jewel tones or the bold, bright one? Does the idea of a new house/room/space excite your inner decorator like it does me? 

Happy Thursday! 

That was a mouthful! Whew! Well, I started Weight Watchers yesterday. I've been a big  proponent of just calorie counting for years. I've done Weight Watchers in the past with little success, but I thought I'd give it another try this time. I have a few friends who are doing it as well, so, I decided why not. I'm using the online tools but not going to the meetings.

The program is much different than the last time I did it. It's been a few years, so I'm adjusting to the new system. Now they are doing a 2 week jump start program before you even start counting points, called Simple Start. Essentially, they give you a list of "Power Foods" that you can eat without counting any points. You create meals and snacks from these power foods. Then, you have 7 Points Plus Indulgence points you can use on anything you choose in a day. I've been using them for coffee creamer and jelly on my toast. Anyways, knowing the planning a full menu for at least the first week would be the best idea. That way there was no guess work. I knew exactly what I needed to eat at which meal. It was actually pretty easy to find meals for our whole family that everyone would eat. 

*let me just say that this menu is pretty plain jane and repetitive. I fixed a few things to eat off of for a few days in the week so there was less fuss. And I don't really have a huge expansive taste for food. There are plenty of things I left off this menu that are Simple Start approved. Check out the Weight Watchers website to see the list and create your own meals. 

Monday


Breakfast- Lite Whole Grain english muffin, light margarine, and 1 T jelly, fruit salad

Lunch- Shrimp Salad on 2 slices of 45 calorie whole grain bread, a fat free cheese stick, strawberries, and a banana

Snack- 2 hard boiled eggs, and light ranch dressing

Dinner- Baked potato with light margarine, salt and pepper and a salad with light ranch dressing

Snack-  Air popped popcorn, seasoning

Tuesday 


Breakfast- Shredded wheat cereal, blueberries, fat free milk

Lunch- Veggie Burger, light whole grain hamburger bun, green smoothie

Snack- Crab Sticks, banana

Dinner- Grilled Chicken Sandwiches, light whole grain hamburger bun, steamed veggies, light margarine

Snack- popcorn, seasoning

Wednesday


Breakfast- Fried Egg and English Muffin, banana

Lunch- Chicken Salad, 2 slices of 5 calorie whole grain bread, carrots, light ranch dressing

Snack- Fat free cottage cheese and pineapple slices. 

Dinner- Egg salad, chopped veggies, light ranch dressing, fruit salad

Snack- popcorn, seasoning

Thursday


Breakfast- shredded wheat cereal, fat free milk, berries

Lunch- Shrimp Salad, light whole grain bread, fruit salad

Snack- green smoothie

Dinner- Sloppy Joes, light whole grain hamburger buns, salad

Snack- popcorn, seasoning

Friday


Breakfast-  Egg with ketchup, 2 slices 45 calorie whole grain bread, light margarine, fruit salad

Lunch- Chicken Salad, cut up veggies, light ranch dressing

Snack- Banana, boiled egg, fat free cheese stick

Dinner- Turkey Burgers, light whole grain hamburger buns, steamed veggies

Snack- popcorn, seasoning

Saturday


Breakfast- Light whole grain english muffin, fried egg

Lunch- Veggie Burger, light whole grain hamburger bun, green smoothie

Snack- shredded wheat cereal (dry), banana

Dinner- Chicken Stir Fry, brown rice

Snack- popcorn, seasoning

Well, there ya have it. Like I said, pretty repetitive, but that's what works for me. So far, I'm craving carbs. With my main source of carbs coming through fruits and veggies, I'm not having the usual (totally unhealthy) carbs I'm used to. I'm definitely having nasty food withdrawal. But that's ok. That's good. And it helps having the indulgence points to use if necessary. I'm hoping to get some of my recipes up soon!

Happy Tuesday! 

The day off yesterday has thrown me. I woke up this morning in Monday mode. Thankfully, I remembered it was Tuesday and I'll be getting on with Tuesday things. Anyways, I wanted to share these with you, partly because I want the accountability, but also because I know there are probably other parents out there that can and should make parenting goals. I didn't start the year with the intention of setting specific goals in this area, but the Lord has really impressed them on me. So... here goes-

1. Stop Yelling. Yes, I'm a yeller. And now so are my kids. I've read so much about this topic and I know it's not a good form of communication with my children. Infact, it's not communication. It's just yelling. I even realized that the reason I yell is because I feel like I'm losing control of situation. But, I didn't see the need to change until it was staring me in the face. I heard Emmy start talking/sounding/yelling just like me. And I decided that was it. So, I've purposed to speak quietly when I'm upset instead of yell. It hasn't been easy and I've not been perfect, but when I sense the anger or out of control feeling building up, I've just prayed for help from the Holy Spirit to help me control my emotions and give me wisdom on how to handle the situation instead of yelling. 

2. Encourage More. I want to be an encouraging parent. I want my kids to know that I love them and I approve of who they are and who they are becoming. I want them to know that I recognize things they do. And I want them to know that I love them, no matter what. So, I've decided I want to encourage them 5x's more than I discipline or correct. Some days this has proven to be REALLY hard. When it seems like they're just out to make me crazy or I'm in a bad mood, it forces me to look for the positives. And it's helped me to appreciate things about my girls that I haven't before. 

3. Let them be kids and loosen up. Obviously, there is a time and place for everything, but at the appropriate time I just want to let my kids be kids. For so long I've worried about my children's behavior and over-corrected them when there really was no reason to. I wasn't letting them just be kids. When they aren't doing anything wrong or when they aren't hurting anyone or themselves, then just let them be. An example of this- Sunday we took the girls to a local McDonalds and let them eat and play in the play place. Emmy got up during lunch and moved to the 2 seater table next to us. Normally, I would have immediately corrected her and made her come back to our table, but I told myself she's not doing anything wrong, she's not hurting anyone, she's safe (still within a quick arms reach) and she's capable so just let her be. She was happy, I was happy she was happy, and it didn't turn into something it didn't need to be. 

4. Pray for them more. I pray for my kids, but not faithfully in a earnest, praying God's will over them sort of way. Right now it's my job to lead them to the cross. It's my (ours- as in Aaron and I) job to introduce them to Jesus and teach them about who God is and what that means for their lives. We read bible stories with them, we do bible verses, we talk about God, but I'm not faithful enough to pray God's protection over their little hearts and minds. 

5. Protect them. Everyone's probably like... well, of course you're supposed to protect them. I'm not talking physically protecting them- I'm talking about protecting their hearts and minds. And teaching them how to protect their own hearts and minds. I've really prayed for wisdom in this area. And the Lord has shown me that there are things that we have been doing, have been watching, have been listening to that could plant little seeds in their heart and grow into things that he doesn't want there. Most of this comes through watching TV. I've become very protective over what they are watching. We've cut way back on how much we watch and we've stopped watching things we've watched previously. They don't like it, but right now, it's what I need to do to protect their hearts. 

6. Stop being a hypocrite. I'm not saying that Aaron and I lead vastly different lives in private than we do in public, because we don't. But, I do instruct my girls to do things that I don't do. Or not as quickly or as easily as I should. They have to clean up their toys when they're done playing with them so why don't I clean up the mess I make in the kitchen as soon as I'm done. I want them to make their beds in the morning but I can't remember the last time I made mine. I can't teach and train my children in Biblical principles and instruction if I'm not living out that training myself. I want to be more like Christ, and I want my kids to learn about God and becoming more like him from me and what I do, not just what I say. 

Parenting has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Marriage has been exceedingly hard and parenting has surpassed that easily. It has exposed my selfishness in a way I never thought possible. God has used my children to peel back layers and expose things about myself that I didn't even know existed. But I'm so thankful for that. I want my kids to know Jesus by seeing him in my life and if that means dealing with ugly things, then that's what it means. 

Are there any parenting goals you want to set for yourself or have been working on lately? I'd love to hear them! 

Happy Tuesday!