At some point in our first weeks of counseling, our marriage counselor listened to my words, and hearing the emotions they were laced with and the struggle I was experiencing, explained to me that for women, an emotional affair is similar to a pornography addiction in men. It fulfills a woman's emotional need for love while pornography fulfills a man's sexual desires. But they are equally an entrapment. He said medical tests have shown that the chemicals released in the brain during an affair are similar to that of a cocaine addict during a binge. And there is a similar detox time for your brain and your body. 30-45 days. You physically cannot think/feel/act free of the effects of those chemicals for up to 45 days.
Now, I'm not putting this out there to excuse my decisions or behaviors. But to say that this is no joke. It's a dangerous thing. It's an addiction. Being emotionally fulfilled was my drug. Just because it's not something I drink, smoke, or shoot up doesn't mean it's not equally as powerful. And in truth, it is something Satan will use the rest of my life. I'll explain a little bit more about some of the realizations I had about this in Part 3, but right now I'll pick back up where I left off. The month of November was hard for me. I lived in a torn state. I wasn't ready to give up on the affair because I had put so much of myself into it. I craved the attention and the emotional high of it. But, I didn't want to give up on my marriage because I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. I knew that I needed to surround myself with a select few people who l knew would love me but be honest with me. I needed accountability. But, it didn't take long before I was back into the regular habits and patterns of hiding and lying to most of them. On December 4th of last year, Aaron came home in a rage. He had found out again that I'd been lying about the situation and had finally had enough. He told me that he loved me and he wanted to make our marriage work, but my choices were making it impossible to do that. He went upstairs, packed himself a bag, and packed a bag for our girls and told me it was time to make a choice. I was either going to continue down the path I was on or I was going to choose to do what I knew was right. If I chose my current path, he was taking the girls and leaving. At first I was totally enraged. And indignant. In fact, I left. I got in the van and I drove to a CVS parking lot down the street and sat there and cried for over an hour. I knew it was time. I was at a fork in a road and the choice I made would determine what direction my life would take. But, ultimately, my decision to go home was 100% for my girls. It really had nothing to do with Aaron. I came home, sat down with Aaron and let him set ground rules for how our relationship would proceed. I cut off all forms of communication with the other guy. Then I went to bed. I woke up the next morning and I felt a physical relief. It literally felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But I still felt like a shell of myself. A rock hard shell. Yes, I cried. Yes, I hurt. Yes, I felt things. But I was so used to experiencing God in such a deep emotional way that I couldn't make sense of the fact that I felt almost nothing regarding the choices I'd made. I felt almost nothing towards to state of my marriage. And most of all, I just agreed to stay married to a man that I felt nothing for. It was a few days later when I got some advice from one of those trusted people that really changed my life. The words themselves didn't change my life, the carrying out of the words changed my life. It's not about how you feel. It's about what's right. And the right thing is doing the things you don't feel like doing sometimes. Aaron and I decided from that point on we were going to do the hard things. The things we'd been avoiding, the things we didn't want to do, because we knew it was what we needed to do. God intervened in our life and relationship in so many ways during that time it's almost laughable now. During this time, Aaron was in the process of transitioning jobs from his old job to the post office. It ended up, because of the holiday's and his training schedule, he was home with us for almost the whole month of December. It gave us the opportunity to spend almost every minute together. It was like God dropped us into the middle of relationship boot camp. God led me to a bible study I did with a friend, and later with our women's group from church, and it addressed almost each and every issue I went into the affair with. And still I prayed. I prayed that I could understand my sin. I could understand my consequences. That I could grasp the chain reaction for potential generations that was put in motion by the decision I'd made. I wanted to feel guilt. I needed to feel shame. I wanted to feel anything really. I expected self loathing. Any self respecting person should right? I mean, I'm a christian- a Pastor's wife for crying out loud. I should be wearing sack cloth and rubbing ashes on my face. I wanted to wear around a Scarlet A. And in many ways I felt like I was. I'd walk through the grocery store and think... "man, if that person only knew what was going on in my life and what I've done". I sometimes felt like there was a sign hanging above my head. A flashing neon sign that labeled me. I expected everyone to judge me harshly. I knew that's what I deserved. Mid January I learned an old word. A word that I'd thrown around for years but never understood. That word was grace. And grace changes everything. To be continued...
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A year ago I was in a fight for my life. Not my physical life, but my spiritual life. And my marriage. If you've followed my blog for any length of time, you might have seen me mention the road of healing and redemption Aaron and I have been traveling over the last year. Today I'd like to dive into that a little more. This might be a little long, so hang with me. I'll be doing this in a few parts. This is part 1.
A little over a year ago I joined an online weight loss community looking for some support and validation in my weight loss struggles. I found a great group of loving caring people who understood me and understood the struggles I was having losing weight. I was successful at losing about 20 lbs, doing my first 5k, and choosing an overall healthier lifestyle. I also found someone who was willing to be what Aaron was not being (or more less someone I wasn't letting him be) to me and for me. I spent about 8 weeks involved in a full blown emotional affair. Towards the end, I had pretty much made up my mind that the best option for me was to leave Aaron and start over fresh. Possibly with this new guy, but even being on my own sounded like a better option then staying in my current situation. Aaron and I couldn't hardly be in the same room together. We were polite to each other (at best) in public and at home it was pretty much no holds barred. When we were even home together. Aaron stayed at work most of the time to stay away from my angry bitterness. And I preferred it that way because I didn't have to deal with all the issues between us. My girls did not escape the drama and we had a constant battle with their behavior on our hands. Which only compounded the stress we were feeling. And let's not forget that we were still serving in full time bivocational ministry. Aaron was youth pastoring and we were very involved at our church. WHAT?! A pastor's wife had an affair? Yes. And it happens more often than you think. How could this happen!? Those that knew me well and knew about my affair asked me that question immediately. Now, after a year with 20/20 hindsight, here is my answer. It's a slow fade. (Yes, I'm referring to the Casting Crowns song) You don't jump into full blown sin patterns overnight. I didn't wake up one morning and say... oh, today I feel like being adulterous. It took time. It took lots and lots of me believing lies that Satan fed me and lies I fed to myself- I deserve better. I should be happy. Everyone else has a better life than me. Everyone else has a husband who adores them. I should too. Why not choose someone who makes me happy. The grass is greener where you water it, but there's gotta be grass to water. If there was a lie to be told, I told it to myself. And I believed every word. Past hurts and failures in our marriage created a wall that seemed insurmountable. So, I stopped choosing to try and climb it. I slowly shut myself off to Aaron in almost every way possible. We stopped being intimate. In fact, I slept on the couch most of the time. We stopped spending time together- why would we. We could hardly stand each other. We pretty much stopped talking unless it involved money or the girls and even that turned into an argument. And every day, the selfishness, bitterness, and anger grew and rooted itself deeper and deeper slowly pushing God out. Things started very innocently. Encouraging emails. Texts here and there. Rationalizations. Something inside me was being fed. A need to be loved was being met. Then starts the denial. Then the hiding. Then the lies. Eventually, I was lying to everyone I loved. I was living 2 lives. Eventually, the lies caught up with me and Aaron found out. That day he stepped down from his position as youth pastor at our church. The next week we started going to counseling. I'd like the say that it was all sunshine and roses from there. But. It was hell. It wasn't like I woke up the morning after things came crashing down and I found myself madly in love with the man I could hardly bring myself to look at. No, he was still that same man and I was still the same hardened shell of a person. But every day we took a step forward. With help from our marriage counselor we made a rule that we talked first, apologized later. (I don't advocate this rule for everyone, but it worked well for us). We started communicating (for the first time ever really) and we started sharing with each other things we'd never shared before. We decided to do the hard stuff. Things we didn't feel like doing. But we did them anyways. And guess what? It still wasn't roses. When you've calloused yourself to God- to his presence in your life, to hearing his voice, it's not a switch you can flip and all the sudden you're back to this deep loving relationship with him (at least not for me) . I'd created such a wall between God and I that I felt nothing of him. I heard nothing of him. I just chose to believe he was there. And I prayed like I'd never prayed before. Even though I felt like he wasn't there, even though I felt like he wasn't hearing me. I prayed. And I prayed. And I prayed. I prayed that I would know the weight of my sin. I prayed that God would restore me. I prayed that God would restore my marriage. And eventually I prayed that he would restore our ministry. But, emotional affairs are like a drug. A drug addiction. An addiction you can't just walk away from. To Be Continued... As I've been thinking about typing this blog post about the 3rd phrase in my study if 1 Thessalonians 1:3, I had many many different things I wanted to include, different ideas. I thought maybe it would be too scattered. Too crazy. So, I started praying about the main points to include. God pointed me in a totally different direction then what I planned on going, but that's God!
Let's start with the definition of the words Enduring and Hope. Enduring, adj- lasting, durable Hope, verb- a person or thing in which expectations are centered Last week I was going through our Netflix checking out what tv shows were on there that I hadn't seen in a long time. I had a few mins of peaceful silence and thought maybe I'd catch up on a show or 2 that I'd missed. I came across 19 Kids and Counting. Regardless of what your opinion is on this family and the choices they've made regarding kids/parenting, there is one thing that's undeniable- they love the Lord. I hadn't seen the show in a long while and remembered that I wanted to specifically watch the episode in which they discovered they'd lost their 20th child at 18 weeks gestation. (I'm a glutton for punishment, I know). So, I found the episode and turned it on. Of course I cried through most of the episode, but I was deeply struck by the first words that came out of Mrs. Duggers' mouth when they found out they'd lost their little girl. "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." She was quoting part of Job 1:21 in the deepest part of her grief. Immediately, these words were impressed on my heart- Enduring Hope. On Saturday night after the girls had gone to bed and Aaron was sitting and talking with me as I was working on some sewing, he shared with me a story a friend of his had posted on Facebook. That friend shared a story of a person they knew that was badly burned when they were trying to get their gas fireplace to ignite. The fire place basically blew up in his face severely burning his neck and shoulders. He was sharing the details of the situation, the diagnosis, and then he said... (This is a parphrase because I don't have his exact words)... As I was laying in the ambulance being transported, I was praying and asking God that this situation would be used for His glory and that regardless of the outcome I accept his will for my life. Man, talk about a punch in the gut. He was facing perhaps one of the greatest challenges of his life yet he was offering up his circumstances to God with a willing heart. And immediately, two words impressed themselves on my heart again- Enduring Hope. I guess I look at it like this- the word is enduring, not forever, not easy, not just because. Enduring means lasting, durable. That insinuates that it had to go through something, it had to experience struggle, and grief, and hardship. If It hadn't experienced those things, it wouldn't be "enduring". It would just be. And hope is a choice that we make. Kind of like faith. In the depths of whatever we're going through (good or bad) we have to make the choice that we believe that God is with us. We have to believe that God is good. We have to believe that God is working things out for us. It's hard. Especially (if you're like me) and you seemed to be ruled by your emotional self more times than not. My emotions aren't always the most logical things. Anyways, how does this fit into out 1 Thessalonians study? Well, like this... Faithful Work is the banner under which we operate on a daily basis. It's the flag we fly above our lives. God has called each and every one of us to our individual faithful work. Ourloving deeds are the processes in which we carry out our faithful work. Our daily ins and outs. Each choice we make. They shape what our faithful work looks like. And enduring hope is the result. If we let God direct our loving deeds under the banner of our faithful work, the result with be a hope that is unshakable. We will KNOW that regardless of what is happening- Blessed be the name of the Lord. I don't know about you, but I've got a lot of work to do. Sometimes I feel like on the other end of whatever I'm dealing with at the time, my "enduring" better cause me to have a hope that is strong and shiny like a diamond. Sometimes life feels overwhelming. It's hard for me to fly my faithful work flag because I don't see the point or direction where God is leading. It's hard for me to live out loving deeds because I'm frustrated, tired, angry, scared, stressed, fill in the blank, etc. But these are the times when I know that I need to raise that flag high, set myself aside, and live out the love and hope. Are you willing to do that today? Even though it may be hard? Even though it might not make sense? Even though no one else is doing it? Happy Tuesday! It's November!!! That means it's time for the holidays! I'm so excited about spending time with family and friends on Thanksgiving and Christmas being right around the corner. This is absolutely my favorite time of year. Along with all that awesomeness comes busy-ness though. We've got something going almost every weekend until the new year. This weekend is no exception! I am doing a craft show this weekend selling my Sunshine & Sweet Pea as well as some craft things my mom and I have made. Then Aaron and I are going to be celebrating our anniversary a little late by going to see Tim Hawkins. I'm pretty excited. My folks will be here Friday-Sunday. I haven't even thought about my menu until I just sat down at the computer, so I'm going to make this up as I go and hope my memory doesn't fail me as I try and remember what's in my fridge and freezer. I'm only planning through Thursday because Friday- Sunday are going to be crazy! Monday- Ranch Pork. I had some in the freezer I pulled out. Tuesday- Breakfast for dinner. Wednesday- Baked Ravioli with Marinara. Thursday- Cowboy Meatloaf Verse Of The Week This month I decided that each Verse of the Week was going to be thankfulness themed since it's November. I love this verse. I thought of it immediately when I was thinking about thankfulness verses. I love that this verse makes the point that being thankful is good, but we have to proclaim that thankfulness. We have to tell people how awesome God is and tell them what we're thankful for! And not just in November, but every day of the year!
What are you thankful for today!? Happy Monday! When I sat down and opened my Bible and journal this afternoon to continue to study this portion of verse 3 of 1st Thessalonians, I cringed. Just the topic- loving deeds, was enough to hit rewind on my day and I saw how I'd spent most of the morning and early afternoon doing everything but loving deeds. I suppose I should have done this study in the morning. It probably would have changed the course of my morning. BUT, that's the cool thing about grace. I asked for forgiveness for my chaos this morning and it's over with now. So, anyways, back to the study...
I started the same way this time as I did yesterday- with the definitions of the two words- Loving- adj., feeling or showing love, warmly affectionate, fond. Deeds- noun, an act or gesture, especially as illustrative of intentions, one's character, or the like. So, loving deeds are affectionate acts or gestures that illustrate my intentions and character. Ok, so honestly, once I came up with that definition I thought... Oh, great. I get a little tense when the words character and intention are thrown around. I mean, those aren't words to take lightly. My next question was what are my daily intentions? What do I hope to accomplish (from an eternal perspective) on a daily basis. This was my list: 1. To instruct my children with biblical wisdom and point them to Jesus. 2. To live a life that points anyone I come in contact with to Jesus. 3. To display grace and live in obedience to scripture. After all this I decided that I was feeling like a lot of this was just words on a page. I wasn't really feel like God was revealing his true application for my life through just the lists I was making. I stopped what I was doing and started praying again, in honesty, that I felt muddled. And because God is faithful, it didn't take long and this is what He gave me. Loving deeds are the practical steps to faithful work. Faithful work is the sign on the building, the loving deeds run the business. I can't have successful faithful work without loving deeds. Once I got that down I asked myself- What does this look like in my life? - By knowing what love looks like- learning God's character. The more I study something, the better I know it. The better I know it, the easier it is to emulate it. The more I emulate it the easier it becomes to do it naturally. - By training/exercising love in my own life. Everything takes work. I mean seriously, everything. If it doesn't take work it's probably too good to be true. And loving deeds are no different. You just have to keep doing it. Keep working at it. Keep doing it. Keep working at it. The more you do it, the easier it will become. - By searching out opportunities to exercise love. In the literal sense of the word exercise, it normally doesn't happen naturally. You have to make time to run, to go to the gym, to do zumba. Same thing with loving deeds. Always be looking for a way to show Christ's love to someone. -Listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. And this is where I scored a big fat zero this morning. In the middle of being all bent out of shape with my kids, I was hearing the Holy Spirit say... Jessica, there's a better way to handle this. Jessica, Jessica, Jessica. But, I was frustrated enough, upset enough, mad enough that I brushed it aside and justified my anger. DON'T DO THAT. Listen for that prompting. AND OBEY IT! - Setting myself aside. This should actually be #1. Because this is the root of the problem. I can't have truely loving deeds towards others when I'm focused on myself. Are you loving deeds setting up shop under your Faithful Work sign or is there and empty building that needs a business running inside it? The last and final phrase from verse 3 that stuck out to me was "Enduring Hope". I believe that Faithful Work is the business name, Loving Deeds is the work, and Enduring Hope is the outcome. But, you can't have one without the others. I'll touch on enduring hope next, but until then, I'm going to make a point to get my business of loving deeds running smoothly under may faithful works sign! Happy Thursday! So I'm in that time between book Bible studies. Our Ladies Bible study finished 2 weeks ago and right now, nothing is on the calendar until the first of the year. I thought about starting another book study on my own and decided instead that I'd choose a book of the Bible to study. Just me, God, my Bible, a pen, and my journal. I felt a tad overwhelmed to begin with, because I didn't want to play Bible roulette, so I decided to pray about what book God wanted me to go through. After a minute of just listening, I was positive of the fact that God was giving me 1 Thessalonians. Now, I've read through this book probably 30 times. But I've never sat down with pen in hand and waited for God to bring the words to life. Well, wouldn't you know, I got about 3 verses in and here it came...
As we pray to our God and Father about you, we think of your faithful work, your loving deeds, and the enduring hope you have because of our Lord Jesus Christ.- 1 Thes 1:3. Now, maybe you think that's a random verse to stick out to me, but I grabbed my journal immediately and wrote these 3 phrases down... Faithful Work Loving Deeds Enduring Hope I decided to take these each one by one and do a little digging. So, here's parts of what I recorded in my journal about Faithful Work. I decided to start with the actual definitions of the words... Faith- Noun, confidence or trust in a person or thing Work- Noun, exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil. So, confidence in God motivates us. It motivates us to exert effort to accomplish something. My next question was- What confidences do we have in God? I know the list is extensive, but I'm just going to add what I wrote down in my journal. He will never leave us. He will never forsake us. We have hope. We have a future. He will always lead us. He will always love us. He is for us. He wastes nothing. Having these assurances, how are we motivated to work towards accomplishing eternal goals? A few of my personal observations were... 1. He will be with us and provide for us when we are serving Him. 2. We can move with courage knowing we will be successful in our work for Him.( Now let me add a little to this one- Am I saying everything we do will be successful? No. Back to the He wastes nothing. If God calls us to do/try something and we don't succed, does that mean all is lost? Absolutey not. That means God is doing something we can't see behind the scenes. Hold tight, there's a plan we don't see. ) 3. If God leads us to something we can keep walking knowing he brought us there no matter how dark or unclear the path. 4. Searching out the things of God is never a waste of our time and energy. So, once I had all those written down, I asked myself... What does this mean for me? Here's a few of the things I concluded... - I need to to seek out God's will even if it doesn't seem like He's leading me to the right thing. (what I want) - Everything means something. Every step has had a purpose. God won't discard that purpose and it will all be used for His good. (Amen to that!) Perhaps this seems a little disjointed, mostly personal to me, a little more studyish, and lots of information compared to usual, but this is what I've deducted from this..... My faithful work is this- Being assured of God's promises and using them as motivation to do what God has called me to do. Right now, my calling is to be the best wife and mother I can be. To love my husband, to be his helper, and to point him towards the cross. To love my children, to instruct them with biblical instruction, to teach them grace and humility, and to lead them to the cross every day. To show them who Jesus is. Knowing that God is for me, that he has a plan for me, and that he wastes nothing is motivation to live day in and day out knowing that folding laundry, doing dishes, breaking up sister fights, praying for graceful responses to my husband, though they seem mundane and unimportant- they are not. Because it is my faithful work. What are you doing today, this week, this month, in this season of your life that is your faithful work? Are you like me- loving your husband, raising your children, keeping your home? Perhaps it's opposite of that. Whatever it is, I encourage you to figure out what your faithful work is, and do it well. If there is one thing I've learned in a major way over the last 6 years is that I'm selfish. Extremely selfish. Like, sickeningly selfish. I'm sure if you asked anyone in my life to to tell you the absolute worst thing about me, this is what they would say. I seek to be happy, fulfilled, to have purpose, to be complete. However I can accomplish that for myself, that's what I do. Knowing how this impacts my life on a daily basis, how it impacts my family and my friends, majority of the time I pray this prayer about 23984203984 times a day...
Lord, empty me of myself. I was doing that same thing again today and I got a funny picture in my head. It was like I was a God's little doll but I was filled with water and there was a small plug on the bottom of my foot. This mental picture kind of made me laugh for a minute, but then these words impressed themselves on my heart. Here's what I wrote in my journal... When I lay myself down at the foot of the cross, God opens the plug and I drain out. For a minute I grieve the loss of those things that keep me selfish. The things that make "me". Then I realize that God is beginning to pour new life into me. I am still me. He created me after all, but his life inside of me, I am better. I see with his eyes. I use his hands for the things I do and I use his feet for the places I go. I smile his smile and I love with his love. Before I know it, I can't see me. All I see is who I became after I was emptied of myself and filled with him. And I am happy. I am fulfilled. I have purpose. I am complete. Man how I want that to be true in my life. I want my happiness and fulfillment to come from being filled with him and being like him instead of being like me. I've chased, grabbed, scratched at, and practically stolen things that I thought would bring me happiness and fulfillment. I've turned dead end corners to find purpose. I've made hurtful dangerous decisions to feel complete. Lord, empty me of myself. Fill me with you. Well, would you believe I'm creating my menu as I type this. This weekend was a bit crazy so this is the first time I've had to sit down and figure the week out. This is our pantry week, money is tight, so I'll be making as much as I can with what we've got in our pantry and freezer. Thankfully, we've got a ton of stocked up meat! We really have almost nothing going this week, so meals should be easy to get prepared. Monday- Chick fil A. Tonight our church is getting together for a fundraiser at our local Chick fil A. Yay for good food, church family, and not having to cook! Tuesday- Ranch Pork with mashed potatoes. Wednesday- Cowboy Meatloaf Thursday- Chili Friday- Date Night! Aaron and I will be eating out to celebrate my birthday a little late and the girls will probably have pizza with the babysitter. Verse of the Week I've said it before and I'll say it again- "Follow Your Heart" is the worst advice you can give anyone.
And unfortunately, I'm one of those people who loses sight of that very easily. I've come to understand that because I'm a sinful fallen person, I believe the "thorn in my side" is that my emotional being will always struggle to submit to my spiritual being. I'll forever have an internal war. I tend to lead with what I feel instead of what I know God's truth is. And that has always and will always lead me into the wrong things as long as I allow it to. I saw something yesterday and seriously, it was like a snap back into reality. I saw a facebook status that said- " Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's real". HELLO! That snapped me right out of the emotionally lead path I was walking down. So, I chose this as the verse of the week as a reminder to myself! Don't let your heart lead you this week! Lead with God's truth and your heart will follow! Happy Monday! Our Women's Bible Study at church is going through the book Stronger by Angela Thomas. Again, it's right what I needed when I needed it. God is good like that. Anyways, today, I wanted to share with you a few key things out of the book that really struck me. The specific week theme is God is stronger than my overwhelming life. The day subject is Unrealistic Expectations- Mine and Theirs. She starts out by describing her perfect picture of life then asks "Do you have a magazine dream?" I almost laughed at that question. It took me about .5 seconds to answer it and describe in detail my answer. Then, she asks "Does any of this resemble dreams you have or still hold onto?" Of course, my answer was yes. Here's her response... If we take all our dreamy, unrealistic expectations and add the unrealistic expectations from the people we love, we create a dangerous concoction: a recipe for an overwhelming, disappointing life. After all, burnout comes not from work, but from not achieving expectations. (pg 102) Ouch. Double Ouch. And basically the last year of my life in 2 sentences. Aaron and I are about to enter our 6th year of marriage. I can honestly say that I spent year 1-5.2 expecting my magazine life. I held (and still do) hold Aaron to an expectation of creating my happiness. Because of that, I let bitterness and discouragement destroy my marriage. I have set a standard for my kids that's unrealistic and because of that, I have been a hard and angry mother. Angela goes onto to say... Have you expected too much of yourself- to be the best mom, best daughter, best wife, best student, best friend, best employee, best follower of Christ? Amen to that! Romans 12:2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. We have to renew our expectations and our standards with the fact that- Only God is perfect. No other person or myself can be or do what we need God to do in our life. And the truth of this is... God has already done what we need. When he died on the cross, he offered us salvation. Grace that covered our shortcomings, our faults, our unrealistic expectations. If we allow that truth to renew our mind, we will be set free of living a life measured by our expectations. Angela challenges us with this... Who needs to be let off the hook today? Your husband? A wayward child? You and your high expectations? Make a list of the names. Now make this declaration for each name you have written: Man, making that list for me was mentally and emotionally exhausting. Not because I had to come up with names for the list, but because my list ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be. Once I started thinking, I came up with quite a few people that I've held to a higher standard that I should have been. And the truth is, it's easy to recite that declaration. It's easy to say those words- It's the action behind those words that is hard.
For me, that's a declaration I will have to make a few times a day, every day, until my mind is renewed in the truth that only God is perfect and no other person on this planet, including myself, will live up to my perfect expectation. And what does that mean for my life? It means this... When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.- Luke 12:48b We are given grace freely, which means that we need to extend grace in return. Obviously, God does not need our grace, but others do. If you've followed my blog for a time, you know that over the last 10 months, God has revealed more to me about His grace than ever before. And the more I realize how God's grace applies to my life, I realize that if I'm going to live Christlike, I have to live out grace to others. Today, let's make a point to let others off the hook. Let's let ourselves off the hook. And let's let our minds be transformed. Only God is perfect. And because He's extended undeserved grace to us, we need to live a life of extended grace to others! Well, I figured it was time resurrect Weigh In Wednesday. The last time I did a WIW post was on May 15th. At the time I was doing a boot camp class and working out 4 or 5 days a week at the YMCA. Once Emmy got out of school later on that month, I pretty much stopped doing everything. 5 months later and I'd gained 11 lbs and just felt really bad overall. I felt sluggish and my body just felt blah. So, I decided it was time to start calorie counting again. For financial reason we had to cancel our membership at the Y, which makes me sad because I loved it there. But, I'm not going to let that stop me. I've successfully lost weight not having a gym membership and I can do it again!
When I decided it was time to start counting calories again I felt like I was really missing something. It took me a week or two of really struggling to realize that what I was missing was support. Last fall, when I was losing weight successfully, I was part of the online weight loss community, SparkPeople. I was part of a group of about 30 people that were in regular daily contact encouraging each other and supporting each other. I loved that. It was like there were finally people who understood what it felt like to want to eat a pan of brownies or knew exactly what to say to motivate me to run. But, there were circumstances that resulted in me leaving SparkPeople and, unfortunately, I won't be going back to it. But, I did decide that I wanted to create a page on Facebook where people could join and we could support each other. It's been pretty cool to have this resource available and the support is invaluable. I'd love it if you'd join our group if you need support. We're from all locations and walks of life. We just want to lift each other up and help each other meet our health and wellness goals. There are some who are part of the group who aren't looking to lose weight, just maintain a healthy lifestyle. There are some in the group who have lots of weight to lose and want that support also. The name of the group is At A Loss Weight Loss and Wellness Support Group. We'd love it if you joined! Here's the link- https://www.facebook.com/groups/300914140050499/ Just click on that link and join us on our journey. I've said it a hundred times- I don't think God intended for us to walk the road of life alone. He designed us to be community oriented people, and this is no exception! Support and accountability can be powerful in helping us reach our goals. Speaking of goals, here are a few of my October weight loss goals- 1. I want to eliminate the weight I've gained this summer and get back to my "ending" weight. That's about 6 pounds. If I can lose more, that would be great, but I'm aiming to take off the weight I've gained back. 2. Water, Water, Water. I feel like this is always a goal as I NEVER drink enough water. 3. More scripture memory. I want to make sure I've got Bible verses so ingrained in my head that I can use them to fight the temptation that comes with choosing a healthy lifestyle. 4. Plan and plan again. I would be so much more successful if I had ALL my meals planned in advance, not just our dinners. It takes the guess work out of calorie counting. Are you wanting to make a change for a healthier lifestyle? Do you know it's time to surrender the part of you that you've been holding back- your food life? I am! If you want support, head on over to the group and give us a shout! Happy Wednesday! |
HEY, I'M JESSICA!
Christian. Wife. Mommy. Daughter. Pastor. Friend. Saved.Redeemed. Beloved.
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