Then I got to church. We sang a bunch of great songs about praising God in the storm, and how He's still in control, and how my hope is in Him. Yeah. Of course it is. Today is the day. Then, Pastor Landon started preaching. His message today was entitled "Absurd Surrender". His passage was from Philippians 1, specifically verses 12-26. Instantly, as soon as the passage started being read, God spoke to me and said, "Yes, Jessica, you're right. Today is the day." Today is the day that you need to decide that I'm enough. Landon preached about how we need to give up our rights. We need to do away with the mindset that... Ok, I've done _______, God, so I deserve _______. I tithed even though we didn't have the money, so God, it's time for my financial blessing. (BOOM!) Ok God, I went on a mission trip, it's time for my blessing.
Verse 18 really stuck out to me...
But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.
Am I living my life in such a way that even in the 11th hour Christ is being preached through my life? And then, Landon laid it on me. I don't think he was actually directing it at me, but I'm positive God was speaking through Landon directly at me. And he said.... (this is paraphrased)... If God never promised us anything, if He never promised us blessings.... what would we do then? Would it be enough?
UGH! I've been living that last few weeks giving God the plan. I've been asking God for specific things, but never living in a way that showed God that He was enough. I knew that it was time. It was time for me to decide that if rent doesn't get paid, if the bills due this week don't get paid, if things remain the same for the rest of my life, that's ok with me because God is enough. In the eleventh hour, God didn't send me a pile of money (at least not yet) but He did show me that regardless of my circumstances, He will always be enough.