In August of 2008 it seemed as if Aaron and I had the world on a string. We were enjoying our first year of marriage, both working good jobs, and we had a small house that we were renting near Aaron's family. We were helping with the teens at Aaron's home church but praying avidly that God would open a door for us to be able to take our own youth group somewhere. Up to that point, we had interviewed with 5, maybe 6, Churches. Aaron finally made contact with a Church in North Dakota and they asked us to come interview. We anxiously agreed and packed our bags. We flew out there for the weekend and loved it. Aaron got the stomach flu while we were out there, but dispite that, the Church board decided that they thought we were a good fit. And we agreed.
In late Sept, we were still waiting to make the transition when I found out I was pregnant with Emmy, our oldest daughter. We spoke with the church and they shared in our excitement. I had stopped working 3 weeks before our actual move date because I knew I would need time to pack. What I didn't know is that I would spend the greater part of those 3 weeks on the couch or in bed throwing up every hour or so. My Dr. finally put a name to it- Severe Hyperemesis. Essentially it's severe morning sickness all day long. I was on 4 medicines around the clock and when that didn't help I would just take a sleeping pill and sleep the day away.
Eventually, in mid October, the house got packed and we loaded up our Uhaul and made the 18 hr treck to ND. We settled in and Aaron assumed his responsibilities. Days went by that I don't even remember. I laid in bed or laid on the floor in the bathroom. I never made any friends. I never even left the house hardly. On the rare occasion I would feel well enough to leave the house I ventured out to see as much as I could in our small (small) town. It was nearing Christmas and I.WAS.MISERABLE. I was homesick, I was physically sick, and I'm sure if things had continued on that way, I would have been mentally and emotionlly sick as well. In 6 weeks, I had been in the emergency room 12 times for IV fluids because I basically stayed in a dehydrated state. I begged God to show me why we were there. I begged God to alleviate the sickness. Silence.
On Tuesday, Dec 2nd Aaron came home from his day at the office and told me that there were some accusations made against him and they've asked us to step down but we can stay in the house through the end of the month. I couldn't even form a thought. We had no money. We had no place to go. And we were hundreds and hundreds of miles away from anyone we knew that loved and cared about us. And on top of that, I needed clarity and discernment on the accusations brought againt Aaron. I begged God for something. Anything. My husbands character was being attacked and questioned- defend us. We've got nothing- deliver us. Silence. In the wilderness.
Within 2 days, Aaron's brother and family friend had driven up from Indiana to help us load up our Uhaul truck. The only plan we had was to head to my parents vacation home in Ohio. They only used it on the weekends really and they were willing to let us stay there until we could get on our feet. After 3 days of snow, sleet, and ice, we finally made it. We celebrated Christmas with my sister that weekend. And then everyone left. Now we were closer to home, but we still had no plan and no money and we now lived in the county in Ohio with the highest unemployment rate. We'd reached out to a few friends at this point and just asked them to pray for us. For direction, for comfort, for anything. We needed a little light. We were in the dark.
I was closing myself off to the last shred of hope I had. Nothing to call our own. No money. No jobs. And I was pregnant. God, this was no way to bring a child into the world. Slowly, that darkness and silence met and somewhere in my soul anger started to bubble.
To be continued....